Reality or fantasy!

Talked to an old friend today after a long time, she made me realise that my pessimistic approach to life may not be as wrong as i think it is! yes, it is not good to go against the norms of the world and develop a separate space for you and your ideologies, but somewhere in my subconscious mind I realised that I am different. I have no intention of being a leader, but at the same time I don't want to be known as a follower of ideas which i believe are unethical. Competition teaches you a lot in life and makes you overcome your flaws, however you cannot define something as competition if the sole purpose of it is to demoralise someone. I wouldn't call my self an antagonist, but I cannot support someone just on the basis of popularity or fame. My philosophy seems very ambiguous for now, but I would soon present a solution for it.

Private, conservative or Secret!

I've never been someone who has opposed change, but at the same time i would prefer to stay away from it. I do realise that it all sounds confusing and vague, but it is all a part of my quest to find myself..where do I fit? is a question that i have asked myself many times and have constantly failed to find the answer. The title of my blog are three words which can pretty much define my life, in very different ways ofcourse! I've always been known as a person who can manipulate a situation very quickly and someone who is very confident in confronting people. I would call this as my defence mechanism. At certain times I have tried to stay of reality as much as I can, so i can enjoy moments of bliss. This does not suggest that my life is a struggle, I am very happy and could not thank GOD more, but i have realised that I am different. I have been two faced all my life, now in a deceptive way, I would never do that, but in a way where i could have the comfort of living my life they way I want, While living upto everyone else's expectation. My greatest desire is to have a peaceful life, which I can enjoy with my loved one's without having to answer anyone else. After all, it is above all by the imagination that we achieve perception and compassion and hope.

Satisfied!?

My Grandmother is in england, and i am in milton keynes to spend sometime with her and the rest of the family. I was sitting today by myself thinking about life, which is not something unusual for me. I have a habit of thinking about different things related to my life and how if they were not there, my life could have been very different. Thinking about everything i realised that, i personally don't thank God for what i have i always fine some excuse by which i can prove that my life is not perfect. Why is that! I have a perfect family Mashallah, i eat more than the usual 2 times a day, i have been given the opportunity to chase my dream by studying in one of the best university. Is it because of human nature or do i have to fill this void by striving even harder. This is a question that i can't answer right now. maybe I am waiting for an experience which would give me my answer or something else, I would probably just have to wait for it. one thing i know is that, this feeling inside me cannot be defined as greed. To be honest, even though all this still seems very vague I think i want to give more to life rather than take something from it. For now all I can say is that I take life as it comes and will continue to do the same in the hope that one day I will find my answer and it will be close to what i expect it to be.

P.S I know I make some grammar mistakes, this is mainly because of the lack of time!