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A relative of mine lost his battle against depression today. All our life we believe that, only diseases like cancer, HIV and TB become causes of slow and painful deaths and treat some very major illnesses, as phases and temporary. Being someone who has experienced depression myself and around me for most of my life, I can assure you that it's nothing short of having a battle against the Unknown, something you can't see but only feel. In this combat, the victorious one is who manages to escape, rather than defeat it's enemy. Unlike cancer however, this can only be overcome collectively rather then the struggle of ones self.

 People going through depression are not attention seekers, selfish, or self involved. In fact, they are always looking for moral support from friends and family. When we stroll someone whose disabled, we don't do them a favour, but are just courteous. In the same way helping your friend or family in their phase of depression, is your moral obligation and nothing which should seem like a task. Because, somewhere we might all be responsible for the negativities surrounding their life, and only we are the ones that can help. We don't always necessarily have to see someone's physical disability to understand the gravity of the situation. It most matters when you can help your loved one see the Unknown and help them escape it.

V for Pakistan

One of life's biggest riddles is understanding confidence, it's like herbs and spices in our food, too much and you've spoiled it, a little too less and its bland. Successfully translating your words into words is confidence, but wait isn't that more close to arrogance, and we all know that no person should be allowed to be arrogant. It's probably stating your achievements, nah that's arrogance too. How about, describing your vision and how you've come up with something no one else did, well that's simply unrealistic. Basically, we are left with a dilemma, does socially acceptable confidence even exist, or is it just something our parents have been infusing in us us so we wouldn't kill ourselves. For all the optimists out there, congratulations, it actually exists. 

Not however, in the way we portray it. The most raw form of confidence is undoubtedly self confidence, which a great majority of us do not have. No doubt, that pakistan has been created in the wake of freedom and civil rights, so it's only fair and understandable if a certain slave mentality still exists within us. Our forefathers broke the shackles, but we didn't completely managed to break free from many of our inferiorities. English is still widely associated to having a higher intellect(how ironic of me) and that Paul smith peshawri chappal, is to be fair, much more desirable than our locally made identical sandal, so what if it costs a fraction, it's not imported. Witnessing your hard earned money being silently drained somewhere in the Swiss Alps sets for the perfect getaway, the Facebook tags are completely worth it, trust me. Plus, swiftly replacing Sunday's halwa puri with waffles and pancakes sounds like such a good idea. Why really should we consider that local burger joint, when BK has just opened up, tbh we all have been craving a bite of that since we were born. Aaah, is isn't it just great giving other nations the ego boost they need, such a noble thing to do. Pakistan anyway is never gonna change. Why care, when you've got a flat in Dubai that oversees man made islands, Gods beauty is so overrated. Enough of the sarcastic remarks, my point is that we need to be proud of our country before we can expect something from it. 

Land on its own is worthless if it's not populated by humans. We are the nation, we are Pakistan, if we fail to cherish the achievements and struggle by our very own country and fellow countrymen they we fail as a nation. Our homeland is no different than our home if all members of the family are not happy, than its not home its a hostel or a hotel, anywhere really where one person does not care about the other. Let's support our corporations and believe that they can be even bigger than these multinationals. Let's for once inject confidence in our people rather than demoralising them for not being too foreign. Let's all be paindoo, and make that cool. The day all of us build the capacity to tell someone that they have the best potential being themselves and help them learn new things rather than imposing ideologies on them, will be the day we will truly be a great nation, free from inequalities, differences and most importantly inferiority. No person has to believe that he is less capable than someone else, because it's truly the saddest moment when someone's luck overshadows someone else's misfortune. 

First World Freedom!

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past few days, same sex marriage has now been legalised in the US fetching a set of mixed emotions from all spheres of the world. Personally, I don't know what to feel on the coming out of this news (pun intended) my moral and religious values strictly advise me not to feel positive towards it, but at the same time I don't feel negative about it. This is largely because my own set of beliefs do not rely upon institutional legitimacy. 

An outcry over this ruling by many conservatives and opposers seems to be bit pointless as, as it suggests that homosexuality is the birth of a country's legal status towards it. At most, legalising it removes fear in the hearts of a same sex couple. However, it certainly does not take away the various taboos formed in our society or make them more accepted in our life's. If this was the case than all African Americans would have the same opportunities as Caucasian Americans, and all hijab wearing muslim women would be treated as equally as other women, but Alas this is not the case. We humans fail to realise that biases and opinions of others are not formed by legitimacy, but through experience and ones perception. 

Yes, a man kissing another one, is not a sight I would want to see, but that's not the reason why I have been against same sex marriage. Every person deserves equality, no doubt, but it is the very nature of homosexuality that I disagree with. Firstly, it does not contribute to the evolution of life, by not contributing towards childbirth, and that is something to be worried about even by same sex couples. Plus, science has proved that homosexuality is not something that's innate, sorry lady gaga, it is however, formed through different experinces we go through in our life. If any one of us is truly against this, than we have to create awareness about the very cause of this movement and help people find better alternatives. For those, who feel that this is the perfect way to life and being gay is what gives them most satisfaction than let it be, because let there be no compulsion in religion. To truly create a balance in this world we have to past this an eye for eye mentality and focus more on the very root causes of these social changes. 

In a world with absolute freedom, incest, underage sex and drug abuse would probably have been legal, but in a world with different cultures and social values a line needs to be drawn. Unfortunately, humans have been too busy rejecting each other's ideology rather than understand it, and finding middle ground. Freedom to me is the most misinterpreted word, because as far as I am concerned its foundation was laid upon peace and harmony amongst different individuals of the society. Unfortunately however, it is being taken by oppression and force. If we are talking about freedom on world stage, than I demand freedom for the people of Palestine, for the Muslims in Burma, all African Americans facing oppression and injustice and all races and societies being labeled as lesser than other. Verily, these social issues are much more viable and authentic than same sex marriage. 

Aaah Humanity, such a fresh breath of Air

Why do I even like that person, is a question I'm guilty of asking myself more than once. Why do we really people, and why do we have to surround our life with positive and negative emotions. I believe the whole concept of loving or hating dates back to, well Adam and Eve, Aaah women, and in our life as early as pre-childhood. With the conformance of these feelings we learn to form opinions some of which are a pile of prejudiced crap that swiftly rests in our ever so fragile mind. Like all black people are criminals and all Muslims are radical terrorists who want to impose the shariah law and kill white people.( I'm sorry, I might have a little prejudice there, pun intended). At least back in the day, it was either love or hate, black or white, now however, our emotions are getting as complexed as our first world problems in our third world country. I have myself experienced Love, pride, guilt, awkwardness, inferiority all in the same day, and usually I would be someone who doesn't partake in a lot of drama. Since when has conforming trust between peers, been dependent on actively participating in backbiting a 'common' enemy. Since when is ridiculing people publicly A sign of respect and authority. Yes, unfortunately like many I am as of a culprit of mortifying ones perception of self esteem, but I am trying to break free from this bigoted mindset of how things are, they shall be and trying to understand human values and emotions. I want to relive my childhood friendships and selfless relations. A human brain has the power to learn anything, than why fill it with hate and agony why can't greed and hatred be replaced by love and peace. I know the world probably seems more cynical from my lens than it really is, but if we could be as good from inside, free from worldly pretence; this world will be a truly happy place. 

In All honesty, i don't remember the reason why i named these blogs now and then. probably I didn't expect it to be as personal and reflective, as they have become, and decided to go with anything that sounded deep. I have clearly not been able to live up to my statement, of writing one blog a day, but i guess the whole reason of these blogs is to record experiences rather than moments. Anyway, I think I have finally produced a reason behind 'now and then' I guess i can reflect back at how i've managed to be the same person, with a completely different perceptions about most things. Such ideas do not necessarily make me a better or worse person, but definitely help me stay grounded while evolving as a person. New experiences some times open new paths, and optimism drives us through it. 

“To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.”  Bertrand Russell

Hope.

Usually before writing a blog, I have some idea of what i am going to talk about. This time however, all  I have is plenty of time and the spirit to free my emotions.
I'm back in Pakistan for my summer vacations, and everything is going pretty well, other than the usual glitches(I understand that a glitch is an understatement for the given scenarios, but my somewhat patriotic nature doesn't allow me to be anymore harsh). I have also recently come in terms with someone i have wanted to talk to for a very long time. so far so good eh?? Not really!! i'm not being ungrateful. As a matter of fact, my fake attempts at being modest in the past, have actually had a great impact on my life, and i can't thank GOD enough for his blessings. I do feel as though, my disappearance from home and society in Pakistan have created a certain void, which is proving hard to fill. I'm not certain if this is because of my introvert nature, or because i have genuinely missed some memory making experiences. most of my blogs have not discussed my private life..Not because anyone else is interested, but because of the fact that I myself might regret something i have written today, in the future. This blog may not say much for someone reading it, but it definitely forms a memory for me that i can look back to in the future, and hope that I was being apprehensive for no reason at all. 

Restless!

Have been in a state of restlessness recently. I have somehow started to deviate from my responsibilities. I wouldn't say that I am wasting my time or anything, but i have repeatedly failed in completing my recent tasks. I would not satisfy myself by blaming all this on to others, I believe that it is absolutely my fault and I have managed to have the confidence and guts to stand up to it. Maybe the reason to my restlessness is that i have changed my personality to a great extent, unwillingly of course. Only recently have I understood, that what I thought of as a cultural change was actually a BIG TRANSITION taking place in my life. Yes i have managed to become more confident and more aware about my surroundings, but at the same time I have also become mischievous. I have somehow learned to get away from mistakes and agreeing to the fact that what I did was the right thing to do. I completely understand that such actions could have some serious reprecussions in the future, but for a while i am willing to let go. This could be because of the fact that these years could be the last years of my lif when i could have a life of freedom and make decisions which wouldn't really effect anyone other than myself. I don't want anyone to misconceive my statement, and assume that this will lead to a change in my personality. I guess like everyone, I want to get away from the real world for a while and live life a little. Its not too late until reality knocks on my door and wakes me up from my dream.